In early May, I returned to Northwestern to sit in on a Marriage 101 discussion section. I had picked that particular week because the designated topic, “Sex in Intimate Relationships,” seemed relevant. As it happened, though, there wasn’t much talk of sex; the session was mostly consumed by a rapturous conversation about the students’ experiences with something called the “mentor couple” assignment, which had involved interviewing a couple in the community and chronicling their relationship.

Ian Kerner, the New York sex therapist, told me that he works with a lot of men who would like to perform oral sex but are rebuffed by their partner. “I know the stereotype is often that men are the ones who don’t want to perform it, but I find the reverse,” he said. “A lot of women will say when I’m talking to them privately, ‘I just can’t believe that a guy wants to be down there, likes to do that. It’s the ugliest part of my body.’ ” When I asked 20-somethings about oral sex, a pretty sizable minority of women sounded a similar note. “Receiving makes me nervous. It feels more intimate than penetration,” wrote one woman. “I become so self-conscious and find it difficult to enjoy,” wrote another.
Technique: Have your partner sit on a chair with her legs wide open. You take it from there. This is a good sex position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, strokes, or ending with strong suction. Your partner is able to easily guide you, and she's able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women.

The female sexual response begins with the excitement phase, which can last from several minutes to several hours. Characteristics of this phase include increased heart and respiratory rate, and an elevation of blood pressure. Flushed skin or blotches of redness may occur on the chest and back; breasts increase slightly in size and nipples may become hardened and erect. The onset of vasocongestion results in swelling of the clitoris, labia minora, and vagina. The muscle that surrounds the vaginal opening tightens and the uterus elevates and grows in size. The vaginal walls begin to produce a lubricating liquid. The second phase, called the plateau phase, is characterized primarily by the intensification of the changes begun during the excitement phase. The plateau phase extends to the brink of orgasm, which initiates the resolution stage; the reversal of the changes begun during the excitement phase. During the orgasm stage the heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and breathing rates peak. The pelvic muscle near the vagina, the anal sphincter, and the uterus contract. Muscle contractions in the vaginal area create a high level of pleasure, though all orgasms are centered in the clitoris.[8][page needed][42][43][44]

Increases levels of Oestrogen and testosterone In men, the hormone testosterone is what makes them more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it also improves your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and keeps a check on your cholesterol. In women, on the other hand, the hormone oestrogen protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman’s body scent.


Desire is part biology, part psychology, often as subtle as it is predictable, and takes shape differently in men and women. For men, arousal typically precedes desire. But for women, desire precedes arousal, in response to physical intimacy, emotional connection, and an atmosphere free of distractions and everyday concerns. Scientists are continuously exploring the interplay of biological influences, such as neurohormones that suppress or enhance desire, and psychological influences, such as emotions and relationships. Smell plays an often subtle role in attraction; research shows that women are attracted to mates whose natural body odor (sometimes referred to as pheromones) signals a genetic profile distinct from their own. Low sexual desire is a common occurrence, among both sexes, and often it can be resolved by regularly exchanging affection and conversation outside the bedroom as well as in it, making sufficient time for each other and for sex, and addressing conflicts within a relationship.
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